Question: I’ve been struggling to forgive someone who betrayed me. I want to move on, but the anger and hurt keep pulling me back. How do you truly forgive?
Response:
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to grapple with. People talk about it like it’s flipping a switch—decide to forgive, and poof, the pain is gone. But in my experience, it’s rarely that clean or easy. Forgiveness is messy, awkward, and sometimes painfully slow.
For me, forgiveness starts with admitting the hurt. That might sound obvious, but it’s surprising how often we try to gloss over our pain to seem strong or “above it.” But you can’t forgive what you haven’t fully felt.
Acknowledge the wound—how it hurt, why it hurt—and give yourself permission to sit with it.
The philosopher Desmond Tutu once said, “Forgiveness is not forgetting; it’s remembering and choosing not to seek revenge.” That thought changes something within you, doesn’t it?
Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the behaviour or pretending it doesn’t matter. It is about freeing yourself from the weight of anger and resentment.
Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to rebuild the relationship. It’s an internal process, not necessarily a reconciliation. And it takes time. I’ve had situations where forgiveness took years. Some days, I’d think I was over it, and the next, I’d be consumed by rage again. That’s normal. Forgiveness is a process, not a destination.
The truth is, forgiveness is as much for you as it is for the other person. It’s about reclaiming your peace, even if the wound doesn’t fully heal.
Leave a Reply